Wow, it has been a long time since I have sat at my computer and put words down regarding Mr. Scott Fitzgerald. I could blame it all on summer vacation and having my kids around, but that would only be a half truth. And not even the biggest part of it.
I have always tried to use Fitzgerald Musings as a place for me to be honest and to confront feelings that come up surrounded by his life and work. But it is not always easy for me to be so open and to commit those feelings to writing. The fact that Fitzgerald was able to write so honestly is one of the things I admire.
In general I have always considered my self a bit of an odd-ball, never quite fitting in. My interests have always fallen just outside of main stream. Not even far enough out there that most people would notice, but I feel it. It is just my state of mind, and truth be told, I have like it that way. I struggle with it, but don't want to change it.
The tough part is finding people who I can share some of these interests with, which is why I started blogging. I have meet some great people who share my interest, but sometimes I wonder if what interests me in FSF is what interests others, and again I sometimes feel like an outsider. (Hmmm isn't that a Fitzgerald theme?)
Also, since my writing skills are average at best, and I am more at ease with talking, the big thoughts and ideas I find swimming in my head overwhelm me. I get tripped up when I try to get them down "on paper". I find talking is easier for me to work it all out, writing is just so permanent. I guess there is an unease in the permanence (not a great trait for a blogger).
And lately it is a bit of all these feelings of unease that have kept me silent. But I have decided to put it all aside and forge ahead.
So in the words of Fitz himself....
Either you think, or else others have to think for you and take power from you, pervert and discipline your natural tastes, civilize and sterilize you.